I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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