My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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