every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
