6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
