I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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