Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
