I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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