my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
