I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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