Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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