Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
