the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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