pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
