I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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