Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
