Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
