Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
