I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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