just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
