On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
