hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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