Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
