Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Welp...herpes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
