he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What a dumb baby whore.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
