so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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