This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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