Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
