I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
