Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
