By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
