It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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