I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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