I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize