While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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