Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
