Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
