Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
