lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize