mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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