I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
