I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
