I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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