I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
