Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
