yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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