Don't you send me to vm
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
