The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said her name was "party"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's like heaven, but drunker
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
