its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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