Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
