we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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