I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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