guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
