I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
