Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
