Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
