He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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