u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
