I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
