Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
