Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
