thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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