Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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