My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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