We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.