hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
