I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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