I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
