We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Wonâ€™t Believe
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house