my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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