There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal