Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.