i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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