You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
