I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do herpes really smell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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