Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
