just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
