I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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