is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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