I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
