I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
