why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A+ Viking dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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