What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
