...so i touched it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
