ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
