every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
